Avoid the Boom with Gas Calibration (and other good advice): Safety Tales Podcast Episode 8

Intro Speaker:

"Dave & Bacon's Safety Tales," the only industrial safety podcast that brings you common sense advice on job site safety, standards, regulations, and industry best practices without putting you to sleep.

Fred:

Welcome to "Dave & Bacon's Safety Tales." I'm glad you're part of our dysfunctional family. The crazy drunk uncle, he's back again.

Fred:

Fred Radunzel and Dave White here with Quad City Safety. We are on Linkedin, both of us. If you look Fred Radunzel Quad City Safety and Dave White Quad City Safety you can definitely hit us up. I'm @qcssafetyfred on Twitter.

Today, we're gonna do our best to clear up some of the confusion we often hear surrounding gas calibration. It's actually simple, but a lot of folks come to us without a clear understanding of exactly what we're talking about when we ask them about it. So, Dave, calibration gas story.

Dave:

Well, it's kind of a lot of different stories, but kind of reverting back to my childhood, when I would be playing with a toy and a lot of the toys that I played with had a nine-volt battery, how the hell did I figure out whether that nine-volt was gonna be good or bad.

Fred:

Tongue.

Dave:

I would lick it.

Fred:

Yeah.

Dave:

Probably not the best way to go about it but I did test it to see, yup, it's still got some juice in it. I don't know how many times somebody would go, "Hey, what's in that jug? Is that gas?" So, of course I would take the top off of it and kind of reach over and sniff it and go, "Yeah, that's gas."

Fred:

I thought you were gonna go tongue again.

Dave:

Well, I guess you could. I guess it's kind of ... yeah, never mind. But, I guess where I go with that is, as a kid I did a lot of bump testing or calibrations manually.

Fred:

Right.

Dave:

And there's a little bit better way to do about there with a little bit more science in that licking that battery obviously I couldn't tell you how good the charge was. I could just tell you that it had one and sniffing that gas, maybe, I don't know, back then you had regular and leaded gasoline and unleaded gasoline. I don't guess I could tell the difference between those two.

Fred:

You're like one of those, a wine snob that's breathing it in, circling it around the glass. Circling around the-

Dave:

I'm sure that there was some meth head that was running around that could probably tell you the difference. But, that's kind of where I start off with is, you know. We've done this stuff in our personal lives on other stuff but let's really sit down and start with how do we go about doing it right on a day to day basis when we're talking about typically we're gonna use gas devices in a confined space but it could be a fixed monitor just in a manufacturing plant just to make sure that maybe a process produces an off gas or something. We're just making sure that we do that, but calibration in the fact that it can kind of save lives.

Let's start with most of the devices that we're using are ... they're not a scientific tool to measure specific amounts. When we talk about a four gas monitor used in a confined space that's one of the biggest misconceptions is that this big lab tool. No, it's no different than if you go down and buy a smoke detector and throw that battery in it and put it in your house. All it's doing is going, okay, the smoke detector knows what smoke is and when it gets it, it alarms.

Fred:

And there are faulty things about smoke ... the smoke detectors in our house are so awful that ... which, they're actually, they're very, very high end smoke detectors, so, if we have a humidifier in the room, the humidifier will set off the smoke detector. I think if it gets a little dusty the smoke detector will go off.

Dave:

Smoke detectors measure particulates-

Fred:

Also, a burning pizza will set it off for some reason. I don't know why.

Dave:

A burning pizza?

Fred:

Burning, like, frozen pizza? You put one in, 18 minutes, you kind of forget about it, you're passed out on the couch and then all of a sudden smoke alarm goes off.

Dave:

I gotcha. The whole house is ... can't get the smell out for a couple of days.

Fred:

Right.

Dave:

I get that. Again, so the audience turn us into ... because a lot of people shy away from ... when we start talking about monitors they get scared of them.

Fred:

Right.

Dave:

And realistically, you just gotta pick it up and go, "It's a damn smoke detector."

Fred:

Yeah.

Dave:

A smoke detector, typically they have a red button that the manufacturer says, every six months walk up and hit this thing and if it beeps it works. Yeah. So, if it beeps it works.

Fred:

Right.

Dave:

That's all we're trying to do when we look at bump testing and calibration. Calibration's a little bit more than a bump test, but that bump test is kind of that daily way to take a look at it.

So, let's break down bump testing. Bump testing is giving it a bump of gas, giving it just a quick burst of gases that we know are in a bottle, so if we have a single gas or a four-gas monitor we know what those gases are, and then we have a bottle that has those gases in it in a known concentration. All we're doing is pushing that gas across the sensors to see if the sensors go, yes, I recognize that there's H2S. I recognize that there's carbon monoxide. I recognize that whatever you're trying to monitor is there. So, bump test is, again, that daily, just kind of making sure that this thing ... I'm getting ready to go into an environment that I need this thing where the atmosphere could be compromised with something that could hurt me. So, before I jump in there I'm gonna make sure that I kind of give a test run to make sure that it's gonna recognize it and alarm.

Fred:

Okay.

Dave:

Here you go. I've seen this actually happen in the field, is, the detector recognized the gas but the audible alarm wasn't hooked up so you couldn't hear it. Or, it had mud across it to where it wasn't audible at the level that it should have been. So, yeah, it could have done what it was supposed to do but the person may not have recognized that it wasn't working correctly.

Fred:

Okay. Versus a calibration?

Dave:

Well, a calibration is kind of challenging those sensors to go, well, we have this many parts per million in this bottle, what do you think's in that bottle? Then, kind of adjusting it, 'cause those bottles of gas have, again, somebody's kind of put a known amount of it so how many ever parts per million or percent of volume they've put in there. Now, we're actually trying to proof test that monitor to say, okay, there's 30 in there, how many did you see. And if it's 30 it's dead balls on, it's good enough. But, you can pass a calibration, if you're plus or minus 10%, you're fine. So, if it says I saw 27 and there's 30 in the bottle it would go, okay, that's good enough, you're in the ballpark.

So, again, that's where I kind of try to tell people that they're not direct read devices so if you walk in there and it says that there's three ... 30 parts per million that's not dead nuts right. It's just sensing that there is a concentration in here and I'm gonna guess it to be plus or minus 10% of three, in that case.

Fred:

Is there a scenario then where something could pass a bump test but not pass a calibration?

Dave:

Is there ...

Fred:

Does that make sense?

Dave:

Say that again.

Fred:

Is there a scenario where a monitor could pass a bump test but then not pass a calibration? So, like, you bump test it every day, what's really the need to calibrate it on that monthly basis or however, whatever their program said? If you are already bumping it every day?

Dave:

A bump test is more just a physical did it recognize it, we put gas on it, and did it alarm? Versus a calibration is kind of a little bit more fine tuning. So that if all of a sudden it's not recognizing within those allowable plus or minus 10 percents those don't really get into ... they're not as evaluated in a bump test as they are in a calibration. A calibration is kind of fine tuning the instrument.

Fred:

Okay. Well, here is question that I get that I know there's some gray area on and some questioning, so let's see if I'll get you to answer the question, or, if you'll plead the fifth. Is bump testing required? Is it a requirement?

Dave:

Yes. It's required prior to use on a daily basis.

Fred:

Okay. In every monitor?

Dave:

In every monitor. [crosstalk 00:10:50]

Fred:

Isn't there some that they're starting to release now that are saying you don't have to bump test this unit? Have you seen any of those?

Dave:

Yes.

Fred:

Okay.

Dave:

I kind of use the whole handgun analogy.

Fred:

Yeah, someone that represents all these manufacturers, we can walk on glass.

Dave:

Well, no, I just go from the standpoint of, if somebody handed me a firearm, the first thing that I'm gonna do is check and make sure that it's loaded or not loaded, 'cause it's a life and death thing.

Fred:

Right.

Dave:

Versus somebody hands you a gas device that you're getting ready to go in there, why would you not want to see if it works or not?

Fred:

Yeah.

Dave:

Oh, man, it's good, it's fine. Who knows? That would say that there's absolutely no way that electronic stuff can fail. I buy shit every Christmas that's destroyed the day after we take it out of the box that's electronic. I mean, things aren't perfect.

Fred:

Look at our automobiles.

Dave:

Oh, everything today is disposable. So, looking at it from a standpoint of it doesn't require any bump testing or calibration, I've seen some manufacturers argue that their sensor drift keeps it within allowables over a period of time. That's fine, that's up to the manufacturer to say, but there still is a requirement that really is not necessarily mandated by the manufacturer. It kind of goes into ... I forget which board it is but there's a board that puts out a white paper that mandates that you should do it on a daily basis.

But, again, as we sit here and we take this journey and take people on the journey with us, one of the things to do is, are we just gonna do stuff because they're standards or are we really gonna try to embrace a behavioral shift where we do it because it's right?

Fred:

Right.

Dave:

When we put our seatbelt on we put it on every time we get in the car. Not when we're gonna drive 50 miles down the road I'll be, you know ...

Fred:

Right.

Dave:

I'm just going to the grocery store-

Fred:

Even when we're going to the grocery store down the street.

Dave:

And you know statistically that most car accidents within about seven miles of the origination point?

Fred:

I did know that. You wanna talk a little bit about why calibration is so important in confined spaces? I think you kind of touched on that a little bit.

Dave:

We kind of hit on it, but when we're going into a confined space, by definition a confined space is something that we're not normally going to be in on a daily basis.

Fred:

I got a list of some, restricted entry or exit, vats, ditches, storage tanks, tunnels, silos, underground electrical vaults, boilers, wells, manholes, trenches, culverts, cold storage. It's pretty [crosstalk 00:14:14]

Dave:

The construction standard now takes a look at the fact that they're identifying confined space. They've always been there. It's not like a trench all of a sudden jumped up and said, "I'm a confined space today." No, I mean, by definition, if you look at it, and there's a little eye test that you put in it is, "Can I get into it?" "Is it big enough for me to get into?" Yes or no. "Am I supposed to be there on a daily basis?" So as you work through those steps to deem whether it's a confined space or not ...

Fred:

Is it hazardous? Like, is it a hazardous atmosphere that will require [crosstalk 00:14:55]

Dave:

It doesn't matter. Confined space doesn't ... that gets into whether something's a permit-required confined space versus a confined space. A confined space by definition is, it's a space that I can fit into. I mean, I have to be able to get my whole body into it, and it's not a place where normal occupancy occurs. I'm not gonna live there, unless I'm a bum, or somebody that ... I'm sure that people live in confined spaces all the time, but normal people are not going to be there.

Fred:

Besides the point.

Dave:

Then, if we identify that there is an issue there, meaning, oh, we think that we can have an off gas that can get in there, or hell, we could say it's a damn snake pits or a spider pit where there's a known hazard. Or, let's say that there's exposed electrical wires, or it's hard to traverse in and around because there's ... I don't know, just stuff in it. Then it becomes whether it's a confined space or a permit-required confined space, because a permit-required confined space is said-

Fred:

Like a grain bin, too?

Dave:

Well, it's just the bins. I guess a grain bin, if somebody deemed that they thought any irregular organic matter, if it rots, is gonna create hydrogen sulfide, so ...

Fred:

I was thinking more like when people get stuck in those grain bins from ... anyways-

Dave:

Yeah, they're not necessarily gonna call those a permit-required confined space. Should they technically be? I've lived in Iowa for 20 years and there's a stack of little kids that have died in engulfments helping out during the summer or whatever a couple of years back.

Fred:

Right.

Dave:

I think they were 16, 17-year-old kids that died in an engulfment.

Fred:

So can you explain, how about, calibration drift?

Dave:

Calibration drift is, over time that sensor is what it thinks it sees. So, over time, depending on has it been ... a lot of sensors want to see gas and so if they don't see gas then they don't measure correctly. Some sensors, over time, like a catalytic bead sensor that's often used for you LEL or your combustibles, they make little mini explosions. That's how it measures. That's how it knows what's going on.

So, you can wear out sensor, but sensor drift is just, when the sensor sees gas, what it reports back through its little ... what it reports back through the little, basically onboard computer that's there, it says, I think I see X amount of gas. Well, over time that reading is not consistent every single time. So, six weeks later, if there hasn't been a calibration that sensor can have some level of drift in it to where today it saw 27. Six weeks from now we can give it 27 and it may see 25 parts per million, so that's just drift.

Fred:

Okay. Doing the right thing basically is gonna save people's lives. So, conditions on a job site can pretty much change at any moment, wouldn't you say?

Dave:

That's huge. Especially in construction. Sometimes you can fiddle fart around and things are not gonna change as much in an industrial ... Bill's gonna show up, load the coffee maker up, everybody's gonna sit there and bullshit about last night's game and finally they're gonna ...

Fred:

Talk about how shitty Bill's coffee is.

Dave:

Yeah, bitch about Bill's coffee and then they're gonna turn the widget machine on and it's gonna start spraying widgets out there, gonna do widget stuff all day. And that's not to oversimplify what's going on in that situation, it's, how to say ...

Fred:

It's a known factor really when you're doing the same thing every day.

Dave:

[crosstalk 00:19:43] more and more known stuff, not everything's gonna change. Bill may decide to make better coffee tomorrow, so instead of chasing sand board he may upgrade to some of the premium Folgers roast or something like that, but ...

Fred:

We just did a holiday blend from Starbucks, which I thought was the Christmas blend. The Christmas blend is pretty decent. It's a darker roast, it's a nice thing. The holiday roast is kind of like a maple-y thing ...

Dave:

Oh, yuck. I don't like ...

Fred:

It ain't good. I like a maple doughnut. I'll eat a maple doughnut, but-

Dave:

I like just regular black coffee.

Fred:

Yeah, well, you're a psychopath.

Dave:

Yeah, I understand that, but I don't like cream or sugar, I just want it black.

Fred:

Yeah.

Dave:

And preferably hot. So, we'll keep it at that.

Fred:

All right, fair enough.

Dave:

Where did we go?

Fred:

I don't know, a lot of this comes down to ... we were talking about Bill's coffee and that [crosstalk 00:20:36] in construction and-

Dave:

It's basically a static environment. Then we move over to a construction environment. Everything is changing minute by minute.

Fred:

Yeah.

Dave:

An hour later ... well, here you go, it's a classic example, you watch somebody build a house. And they're sitting there dickin' with the foundation, weeks later they're still messing with all that stuff, putting the basement in, they've poured it, everything's there, they've got the footers and blah, blah, blah. Then all of a sudden they start framing it up, you drive to work, you come back, and there's a whole damn house there! And you're like, well, where the hell did that come from? But that's a classic example of how fast in construction an environment can change? Is, you literally went from, okay, we're on the ground, you know, say there's not a basement or anything, there's no fall hazard there.

Fred:

Yeah.

Dave:

12 hours later-

Fred:

Major fall hazard.

Dave:

We have major fall hazards all over the place!

Fred:

Right.

Dave:

And then a couple of weeks later we start roughing electrical stuff in and we have more hazards that all of a sudden come in. It's this compounding effect, that, again, every day something changes.

Fred:

Yeah. Right there you guys are basically digging ditches and then five hours later there's 55 trucks up there spitting exhaust right back at all those guys.

Dave:

Spitting exhaust and then it settles out.

Fred:

Yeah.

Dave:

And then some poor guy dies down there because nobody thought, well, wait a second, that's a confined space, too.

Fred:

Yeah.

Dave:

Or, let's say that in digging it, they hit a pocket at H2S, because again, H2S is heavy so it settles. So, if it's at the bottom of the pit, it's there. You should be able to smell it, but your olfactory nerves kind of get used to it after a little bit so you're kind of like, yeah, I've got a real shitty job down here in the trench, and we'll just keep digging, doing what we're doing because that's what the boss man told us and everybody needs to get paid. They need to get paid and we need to get paid. Then that poor bastard sits there and dies. For $100 something his $100 smoke detector could have ...

Fred:

Kind of give back to ...

Dave:

... kind of went off.

Fred:

We gotta do the right thing.

Dave:

Well, yeah. If we're not doing that let's just fold our tent and go home, 'cause this is not gonna work out.

Fred:

Yeah. Let's move on here to our favorite segment, the "Dumb Ass of the Week." Get the music. Let's call this guy Louie. What did Louie do?

Dave:

Well, again, this is real stuff so this was somebody that was trying to help and this guy was really trying to do the right thing, but he was trying to cheap it up. So he brings in his mask from home and he's doing some jewelry stuff so he's doing some smelting of stuff. So he's melting metals, and I ask him what metals he's melting because he's trying to ask me which filters he should buy. I said, "Well, unless I know what you're melting or I have an MSDS or something I don't really know how to help you." He was followed by, "So, what filters do I need?" I said, "Well, again, without Louie, without some information, I don't know what to tell you."

So he proceeds to show me the mask that he had, which, it looked like he had robbed it from somebody that had stole it from somebody pre civil war, and on this thing was duct tape over one of the inhalation valves, and the other inhalation valve was kind of messed up, and he still kept going, "So, what filter do I need?" I said, "Well, it looks like you need a whole respirator." "No, that thing's fine."

Fred:

Right.

Dave:

It gets into the whole ... he's trying to cheapen it up, and when it's all said and done he's looking at $15. So, he's taken the time that he knows that he needs some PPE, however he's not going to one, buy something that works correctly. Number two, he's not even gonna have somebody help him figure out what he actually needs to try to protect himself from. So, that's the "Dumb Ass of the Week," is thinks that he wants to be safe but is not willing to do ...

Fred:

Do those things necessary.

Dave:

... do a couple of necessary things, is, one, is to know what the hell is your exposure, and after you know what the hell your exposure is, number one. Number two is, spend some level of money trying to protect yourself against that.

Fred:

So when we get back to the moral of the story, what Louie should have done differently was completely change his mindset.

Dave:

Yeah, it's a paradigm show. He was trying to mentally check the box of, I just need to do something, so if I do anything that's better than nothing. A lot of times I'll agree with, yeah, something's better than nothing, but-

Fred:

But if you're doing something you have recognized that something needed to be done.

Dave:

Correct. We live in the information age, I believe is what they call it so there is a lot of materials and a lot of help out there, including us ...

Fred:

Yeah.

Dave:

... and he came and saw me and I think I know what I'm talking about. The problem is, is he just wanted a rubber stamp answer and since I wasn't able to give him the rubber stamp answer he wasn't happy with that.

Fred:

Yeah. Well, let's comb through the email box for this week, and ask a few questions here, see if we can answer them. At one point we had to send in fall protection for yearly certifications. Is that still the case or is it a manufacturer to manufacturer thing?

Dave:

Going back probably about, over five years, I would guess, I don't remember it ... there used to be a lot of manufacturers on the older devices would require annual or biannual certifications. So, a customer could still have materials that would require those to have it. They could have a device that's well past its work life and probably shouldn't be used again but, hey man, I agree, if it works and does its job that's good. But, those requirements would be kind of enumerated in the first thing that we always throw out which is the ... everything shifts with an instruction book and typically in there it's going to talk about what levels of service and maintenance that the device needs, but most of the devices out to now, I'm not gonna necessarily say that they're created to be disposable, but they're not built the same way.

So, most of the manufacturers have gone away from that need to have an annual inspection. And part of that goes back to, the standards have changed to where we are training people, authorize users to look at stuff on a daily basis. We have copied it inspectors that on an annual basis are looking at stuff and evaluating it. So, there's more people with more training looking at devices, I think is a little bit of what drives it, but, again, most of them are not going to require annual certifications.

Fred:

One thing you said was interesting was like, so if they technically have, like a tripod or something, that's something that doesn't get turned over every so often. So, if their tripod and their winch unit that they had was from seven years ago and at that time it required yearly inspections that didn't go away ...

Dave:

No, that's not gonna go away.

Fred:

... just because the new ones don't require it.

Dave:

That's correct. It is just because something, again, just because something changes doesn't mean that you don't have to follow the original manufacturer's spec on it.

Fred:

And it seems like a lot of times then those manufacturers are saying we don't repair these or we don't do any of that.

Dave:

That's not uncommon for them to say we can no longer ... like, we were just talking about confined space devices, is people, it's zero obsolescence, so they go we no longer make the sensors for that. So you could still have a device that, hey, man it's ...

Fred:

It's working fine.

Dave:

... it's working fine ...

Fred:

You need parts for it.

Dave:

... but I don't have an oxygen sensor so you have shit [inaudible 00:30:04] from there.

Fred:

Right, pretty much throw that thing in the trash.

Number two, our client is requiring HRC 2, which would be 8-cal clothing on site where we are in, which we are in, but they are saying that we have to remove our five cal safety vests that we're wearing over the top or switch to at least at eight-cal vest. Are they just off base like I would think? Like, I think?

Dave:

Yes.

Fred:

Okay.

Dave:

Yeah. So, if the requirement is eight-cal, and say they're wearing just a coverall that has eight cals worth of protection, and then they put a five-cal vest over the top of that, then theoretically they have a cal-rating or APTV that's going to be in excess of eight, greater than eight. Unless they're taking all their clothes off and then putting on the vest then they would only, yes, have those five cals, which would not be a very good situation.

Fred:

Yeah, that came to my inbox, and the guy was saying, they say we either have to have an eight-cal vest or we have to take off our vest and not have it on. Like, well, it's only adding to your protection on top of your existing eight-cal clothing.

Dave:

That's correct. But it's not something that you can just stack. You can't say ...

Fred:

Right, that's what I was gonna just bring up.

Dave:

You can't say value A [crosstalk 00:31:46]

Fred:

I got an eight-cal and a five-cal so I got a 13-cal.

Dave:

I got a 13-cal, no, that's not how it works.

Fred:

Those items have to be then tested together.

Dave:

Correct. It would have to be tested as a system and then part of the problem, though, is, if we're talking about calorie we're talking about arc flash, and when we start talking about arc flashes, how big is the flash, because if we need that protection and we have a vest on, and we expose our arms or other parts of our body we don't have that, whatever that extended [calorating 00:32:23] is all across our body. It's only within a specific area.

Fred:

Right. Okay. Number three, what is required for storage on our half and full face respirators? Like, you see a lot of people with just the plastic bag. Is that fine? Or ...

Dave:

Yes.

Fred:

Okay.

Dave:

Basically, the goal that you're trying to do is, when you have filter media, as soon as you take it out it is gathering stuff. So, if we have a P100 and we don't store it, theoretically those filters are loading up with stuff. Also, what is loading up is, let's say that there's some kind of nasty shit in there that we have a cartridge or a filter that is pulling that out of there and we just leave the respirator sit, theoretically it's getting into the nose cup and the face piece over time. So starting it in that plastic bag to where it's its own environment, it's not going to become contaminated with potentially what we're trying to filter out of it.

Fred:

Okay, so it is something that you should keep the mask physically and not just the cartridges, because as I was listening to you talk I was like, oh, well, couldn't you just take the cartridges off, keep those in a little baggy?

Dave:

No, no, no, no. So, let's say that we know that there's lead, okay?

Fred:

Okay.

Dave:

And lead settles out over time. So, Bill, he's gonna go on vacation, he takes his respirator off, and just sets it on his workbench. So for two weeks that lead that's settling out just like dust out of there settles into the nose cup or the face piece. Bill comes back from vacation ...

Fred:

Throws that baby on, and breathes it right on in?

Dave:

Throws it on. He now has lead on the inside of the face piece as well as probably loaded up his cartridges a little bit more than that were before. So that's why we're trying to keep that from decontamination.

Fred:

Okay, fair enough, well-

Dave:

But you should also remember to wipe the thing down and take care of it. There's care ...

Fred:

Yeah.

Dave:

You should always look at the internal diaphragms to make sure ... do positive/negative pressure tests to make sure that those diaphragms are covered and what needs to be covered.

Fred:

And not just the finger lick, two-finger swab through the inside of the mask?

Dave:

No. You should really do a ... otherwise just take it off and throw it away and just be Billy Badass and hope you don't expire.

Fred:

Hope you make it? All right. Well, that'll close up the mail box for this week. Now, since this was the gas episode, let's have a little conversation about gas. Personal gas.

Dave:

Yeah.

Fred:

I could probably sit here and talk for the next 45 minutes about that but we won't do that. But I do have a couple of stories, hopefully you got maybe one to mix in. So, my children, which, three years old, one years old, they've started really loving farts. So, I don't know at what age this is-

Dave:

There's nothing more precious than a kid loving a fart.

Fred:

Yeah. I don't know at what age this is supposed to start, but I have two of them that completely love, first of all, farting, talking about farts, making the fart noises with their hands, on their arms, telling anyone that they farted. Now, the girl started talking when the boy poops, she's calling him out, "He pooped. He pooped his pants." So, they love farts, but, my favorite story would be, when I first started dating this girl, we were hanging out in a bar with a whole group of friends and she was one of those ones that would just let out little putters in her sleep, little cute little ... just as she slept. Wasn't snoring, it was bum snoring, I guess.

So, I decided, oh, that's a really cute story, I'd like to talk about that. I brought it up in front of a group of like seven or eight people, talking about her farting in her sleep, and she did not appreciate the conversation.

Dave:

Not that much.

Fred:

No, that really ruined the rest of my night, so that was when I learned that not everyone appreciates a good fart story as much as my 3-year-old and my 1-year-old do.

Dave:

Yeah, but I'll tell you, I've done some real bonding with my children in what's referred to as "crop dusting."

Fred:

Okay.

Dave:

So, there's nothing better than, while shopping, if you kind of creep down an aisle, and you find a group of nonsuspecting people ...

Fred:

Oh, you're those son of a bitches that do that.

Dave:

... and just lay it on them, and then walk away and kind of [crosstalk 00:37:35] from your stand and God! Usually what's even better is, if it's a family of people, there's usually the noted farter of the family that starts catching hell ...

Fred:

Oh, yeah, that's going for it?

Dave:

... wow, [Billy 00:37:53], why did you shit your pants again? Billy's, "No, mom, I didn't, I promise." As the Whites are sitting over in the corner kind of chuckling to each other, thinking what a grand thing it is.

Fred:

[crosstalk 00:38:04] there was a time that I was hanging out with my wife. I don't even know if she was my wife at the time or ... either way, either it was shortly before or shortly after our wedding, but I was wearing a pair of khakis on a white couch. And I all of a sudden thought I was just letting out a little [gasaroo 00:38:20] but there was a little something behind it. It was a little [shart 00:38:24] instead of a fart, and I ...

Dave:

All the way to the couch?

Fred:

All the way to the couch. And it was on a ... it was like a frozen rope, too. It wasn't like mess, like splat mess, it was a shot because it was like ... I caught it quick but it was too late and it shot like a pen diameter straight through my khakis into the couch. So, a little dot on the couch, got up, she saw a little dot on the back of my rear, sprinting into the bathroom. Not to be too disgusting-

Dave:

And she still married you?

Fred:

She may have been [inaudible 00:38:55] committed at that point, I'm not positive if it was right before or right after but it was early on in our marriage.

Dave:

That's frickin' love right there.

Fred:

There was no annulment at least, so ... and I think that's grounds ...

Dave:

Yeah. if ... yeah, you shit on somebody's couch ...

Fred:

Your 25-year-old husband sharts on your white couch and shoots a frozen rope through his khakis, that's something.

Dave:

Well, I'm telling you, to penetrate two layers of cloth ...

Fred:

Three! Yeah, it was like this was ...

Dave:

You had to penetrate, penetrate, and then ...

Fred:

And then douse.

Dave:

Yeah. Pretty impressive there.

Fred:

Douse and really ruin somebody's day.

I think that's pretty much it for today. Glad you guys stuck it out, especially through that last part. If you're not tired of us, come back next week, we'll be here with more safety stories and tips. Safety is an important topic. Half the world isn't talking about it like it is, and we're just looking to change that.

Dave:

So, let's not treat the United States like a third world country.

Fred:

So, thanks for putting up with the mess, and leave us some comments, ask a few questions, jump into our social media conversations, whatever works best for you. Let's shine some light on the subject so we can avoid stories that end up on the "Dumb Ass of the Week" segment. Safety has no quitting time. We'll see you later.

Intro Speaker:

Thanks for listening in to "Dave & Bacon's Safety Tales." Brought to you by Quad City Safety. Send us your questions on Facebook, Linkedin, or Twitter at Quad City Safety, hashtag safetytales. Or, email them to Fred@quadcitysafety.com. He's the guy keeping this mess of a show in line.